I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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