Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
