I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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