I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
