Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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