when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
