Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
And then he peed in my hair
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