yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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