I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
