I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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