The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
