i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
