WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
