he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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