what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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