I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
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No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
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This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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