Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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