You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
