My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
