forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
