i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
