Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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