if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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