True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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