just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
