I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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