i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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