At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
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drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
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Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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