you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
