I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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