I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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