I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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