I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
They took my balls.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
