i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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