A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
