he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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