i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
