I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
