Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
