If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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