i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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