I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
