i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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