also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
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