I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
