I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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