We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
