her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
