I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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