He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
