I cockslap morals
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
