I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
