just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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