id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize