this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
