i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
