its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
