they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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