I hope mine doesn't look like that
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
