The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
