im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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