It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just gift wrapped bread.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
