After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
