This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
