so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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