I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
