white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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