Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Less talking, more tequila
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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