so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
