his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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