I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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