I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
how drunk are you?
Several
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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