According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
you had me at cake vodka
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
