I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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