When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
