I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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